||[Dec. 11th, 2006|12:51 am]
I haven't posted in ages...no internet at home slows things up.|
life is how I never thought it would be for me. full of amazing people and city adventures and pigtail-induced flirtations. I feel like it all clicked and I ended up sort of aligned with the ways that other people are, and it's rather pleasant.
I am listening to the summer music and remembering all of those drives along 22 West, heart pounding with the possibilities of the ocean, all those nights hitting the ramps and bottle harder and harder, over and over, no sign of fortress, a hundred sunsets. Summer and autumn follow from Spring, when I was hiding, when I was sad. Now I am wondering why I have to be sad sometimes, why if I can go months without crying now I had to do it every day then, and I don't know.
I am also wondering how next semester is going to be, if I can hold on to everything I've built these last months, and the answer is that I know I cannot, the work will be harder, library nights will be longer, the reintroduction of some and the loss of others will shift the sands of saturday night. But it will be alright.
I don't really feel like leaving here. I don't want to lose anyone. Already, I've lost track of so many. I think I just have a small town heart. I want promises and promises and promises that we will be together forever.
On Wednesday they are going to break my nose and I will go to Vicodin lala land. Which sounds sort of nice, except for the nose breaking part. Randall has been in that spot for a while now, sunburst eyed and dozing with an elevated foot. I have absconded his truck. I roam the city at will.
I think I will miss people over break, but it will be good. There are a lot of thoughts that have been born lately, and I haven't had time to let them grow. Too busy raging it.
Such as: You know when you love someone, you just know. But how do you know how you love them, or why? What is the difference between different kinds of love, is there one even? Maybe I'm not explaining this well. I don't know.
Back to finals. I'm not stressed. It will happen or it won't.